Thoughts on Parenting by a Black Mother: Taking a Breather

Thoughts on Parenting by a Black Mother: Taking a Breather: "It has been a few weeks since I posted . I have been caught up with Prom preparation and college visits and wrestling with financial aid fo..."

Taking a Breather

It has been a  few weeks since I posted . I have been caught up with Prom preparation and college visits and wrestling with financial aid forms so that my daughter can go off to College in August. Why is  the whole College application and financing process  so complicated?  I consider myself a fairly intelligent person and I confess to being flummoxed by this whole process. It seems like the process is designed to put off regular ordinary people and frustrate them and have a College education remain this unattainable goal for most people. This is the 21st century surely there must be a way to simplify this process and make it less of a maze and bureaucratic minefield? 

Am I being paranoid? 

Parents struggling with the College process tell me what you think?

Thoughts on Parenting by a Black Mother: Privacy - Part 2

Thoughts on Parenting by a Black Mother: Privacy - Part 2: "Dear Diary Back to the issue of privacy for our children. I have been giving a lot of thought to this over the past few days. On the one ha..."

Privacy - Part 2

Dear Diary

Back to the issue of privacy for our children. I have been giving a lot of thought to this over the past few days. On the one hand I don't want to give up control of my home and abdicate my responsibility as a parent, but on the other hand I want to treat my daughters with the respect that they deserve. How do you find the balance?

Having thought about it, I have reset the ground rules with my daughters and we will have to wait and see how things work out.

1.  I will no longer go into their rooms and look around when they are not home.
2.  I do reserve the right to have surprise inspections but I will only do so with them present either in the house or in the room.
3.  My 14 year old is still not allowed to be on face book/my space/ or any other social media platform where information and images can be shared. This will be revisited on her 15th birthday.
4.  I reserve the right to inspect my 14 year old daughter's cell phone. I will not insist on knowing the password but she must show me the cell phone on demand so I can have a quick look.

 I believe that as parents we cannot be afraid of establishing rules and boundaries for our children for fear of upsetting them or making them angry at us. Children want and need rules and boundaries no matter how much they kick against them. I was very strict with my eldest daughter and from when she was 11 until she turned 17 I was known as "the mean mommy from hell". But I am glad I stayed strong and stayed the course and held up my responsibility to be a parent. My daughter is a Senior in High School and on her way to College in the fall and she recently told me that she was glad I was so strict with her as kept out of trouble and was able to focus on her education and that she was grateful. That made me feel very good as a Mother and helped to look back on all the fights and the drama and trauma we went through and to know it was worth it.

Parents, especially single Moms, don't give up on trying to be the best parent you can be, set the rules,insist they be kept, keep on even when they are broken, be consistent, be involved and don't be afraid of your child's anger or resentment, they will get over it and they will thank you in the end.

Privacy

Dear Diary

Today I want to talk about privacy, how much privacy do we give our children without giving up control  of our homes and abdicating our responsibilities as parents. I started to think about this recently when my daughter challenged me about going into her room when she was not home.  She accused me of invading her privacy and not respecting her space. My first reaction was an angry one and I said all the usual things with eyes bulging and frothing at the mouth...who do you think you are? this is my house and I will go anywhere I please, since you are not paying rent you don't have any 'space' that can be invaded! You know all the usual stuff we parents say in these situations.

But that incident stayed with me and I have been thinking about it a lot. I try to teach my children to be respectful of other people, their feelings, their possessions, their space, but am I guilty of failing to give my daughter the respect that I insist that she give me? Does the fact that she is a minor who is dependent on me mean that she is not to be afforded the respect that I would give to a stranger? As a parent where do you draw the line?

This is  a  difficult one, I will have to think on it some more.